Helping Children Cope

by Jennifer Nicholson  Rowan Public Library

Spring is the time of year that many celebrate new life and growth, especially gardeners!  Yet, it is also the time of year that many reflect on the loss of love ones.  I recently loss someone very special to me, and while my focus was on my needs and the needs of others in my family; I almost overlooked my son’s need to understand why mommy and daddy were sad.  We kept his routine the same, encouraged him to talk about our loved one, but in his 3-year old mind, everything was the same.  I wanted to share my story, as in the words of Reverend Mark Burns, “our grief is personal, but it is not private,” and helping our children understands the loss of a loved one, pet, or deal with any tough situation can be extremely hard on parents both, emotionally and mentally. 

The Rowan Public Library offers many great resources geared to younger children, that discuss many difficult situations, including death, but also provides parents the tools they need to help explain those situations.   The Drawing Out Feelings series by Marge Eaton Heegaard includes When Something Terrible Happens: children can learn to cope with grief and When Someone Very Special Dies offers prompts through out the books, encouraging children to draw and color their emotions and thoughts; while urging conversations between parents and children about their feelings.  As many parents can relate, encouraging children to discuss their feelings can be tough as many kids are still learning and exploring the different ranges of their emotions.  Other series, including the Dealing with Feeling series and Exploring Emotions series, allows children to explore those different feelings from sadness to shyness.  These books are simple, addressing key scenarios and vocabulary words that can help children relate to the characters, and gain a better understanding their own personal feelings.

While children do grief the death of a love one, many families and children experience the loss of a pet.  Saying Goodbye to Lulu by Corinne Deams , Up in Heaven, by Emma Chihester Clark, and The Berestain Bears Lose a Friend by Stan, Jan, & Mike Berestain, are great example of books that dress the loss of a pet; which can be just as hard for a child to understand. 

Regardless of the situation or scenario, helping children cope, and deal their feelings of loss is important to every parent.  Healing the Hurt, Restoring the Hope by Suzy Yehl Marta, is great book for parents. The chapters are quick and easy, allowing parents to access key points swiftly and confidently.  This book not only covers death, but it also covers divorce and other crises that many children today face.   

Dealing with loss whether through the passing of a loved one, pet, or even divorce or job loss, effects not only adults, but children as well. A few additional titles that can help children are: What is Heaven Like?  by Beverly Lewis, Missing Mommy by Rebecca Cobb, What on Earth Do You Do When Someone Dies? By Trevor Romain, are all available at the Rowan Public Library.  For older children or teens, the library does offer: Death and Bereavement, by Jody Kornfeld and When a Friend Dies: a book for Teens about Grieving and Healing, by Marilyn E. Gootman.  The library also offers additional titles for parents and other adults experiencing loss, to see a our full catalog please visit us or our website at rowanpubliclibrary.org.

                                                                                                                                Jennifer Nicholson

                                                                                                                                YA Librarian